Biden Team Holds Rapid-Fire Series Of Public Events Featuring President Waving From Very Far Away

WASHINGTON—In an effort to combat escalating concerns about the commander-in-chief’s fitness for office, the Biden campaign kicked off a rapid-fire series of events Tuesday that featured the president waving from very far away. “President Biden wants to show voters he’s fired up and committed to this fight for the nation’s soul, and he’s doing that by using the strongest asset at his disposal: forceful waving from a great distance,” spokesperson Mia Ehrenberg told reporters during a campaign stop at which the president was seen vigorously gesturing toward supporters from 70 to 80 yards away. “If you squint, you can make him out. Right there—that’s him! Wow, look at him go with that waving. Of course, you can’t hear what he’s saying, but I promise you he’s articulating a clear vision for this country’s future. You can tell how much he means it from all the waving. Please put away those binoculars, sir. That’s beside the point for an event like this.” Ehrenberg went on to dismiss questions about Biden’s use of a teleprompter by stressing that virtually every modern president had used one to tell them when to wave.