In an effort to bring politics into the modern age and more in line with its sister industries like sports and professional wrestling, prominent politicians have announced plans for each of them to begin using their own entrance theme songs.
In a world exclusive, The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of songs to be used as entrance themes for some of the country’s most well-known political figures:
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Nancy Pelosi — “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits: A song that encapsulates Pelosi’s trademark “get rich without having to do anything” outlook on life.
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Alejandro Mayorkas — “Immigrant Song” by Led Zeppelin: The song also doubles as the perfect theme to blare over speakers at the border as migrants rush across.
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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez — “Fat Bottomed Girls” by Queen: Congress’s own big-bootied Latina finally gets the perfect song to dance to.
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Elizabeth Warren — “Colors of the Wind” from the soundtrack of the motion picture Pocahontas: The song of her people.
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Gavin Newsom — “Greased Lightnin'” from the soundtrack of the motion picture Grease: The slick governor of California will have every homeless tent city dancing to his song.
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Dr. Anthony Fauci — “Bad Medicine” by Bon Jovi: This song is scientifically proven to be the perfect anthem to accompany man-made pandemics and the questionable vaccines that follow.
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Kristi Noem — “Who Let the Dogs Out” by Baha Men: Be advised that it’s best not to play the song when Governor Noem is armed.
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Adam Schiff — “Creep” by Radiohead: A more perfectly descriptive song has never been written.
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Barack Obama — “Born in the U.S.A.” by Bruce Springsteen: He’s got the documentation to prove it.
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Joe Biden — “Brain Damage” by Pink Floyd: Followed closely by the runner-up song, “Prisencolinensinainciusol” by Adriano Celentano.
Get on the edges of your seats, because whenever you hear any of the songs listed above, you know the fireworks are about to start!
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