BROOKLINE, MA—Expecting at least a temporary moratorium on the subject, sources expressed surprise Tuesday when local woman Gale Dunn’s recent divorce failed to slow down her continual pleas for her adult daughter to get married. “Honestly, Cara, when are you going to get serious about finding a husband and settling down?” asked the newly single woman, who was reportedly still wiping tears off her cheeks after signing the divorce papers that ended her second marriage. “You’re not getting any younger, and you may need to lower your standards if you want to meet the right lying, cheating, selfish piece of shit and have a family. Marriage is a wonderful gift to be cherished from the moment you say ‘I do’ right up until the day the father of your children runs off with some fucking whore he met on a business trip. You don’t want to end up alone, do you?” Dunn added that she hoped to have grandchildren before too long so she would have time to watch them all grow up and get divorced before she died.
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