Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump recently selected Ohio Sen. J.D. Vance as his running mate. The Onion takes a look at the author and venture capitalist’s background and political stances.
- Hometown: Decay, Ohio
- Alma Mater: Ohio State University, Yale School of Political Pandering
- Ethnicity: Mountain white
- Conservative Credentials: Somehow both rich and poor?
- Current Larval Stage: Pupa
- Books: Hillbilly Elegy, The Wizards Of Elzagard I-III, The Children Of Elzagard IV-V, Elzagard Chornicles: The Crystal Of Sa’Sakar I-IX, Encyclopedia Elzagarium: The Complete Companion To The Elzagard Realm
- Face Shape: Cherubic
- Go-To Eyeliner Brand: Covergirl Intensify Me! Liquid Liner in Intense Black
- When Scanned At Vet, Microchip Identifies Owner As: Peter Thiel
- Vice Vice President Pick: Matt Gaetz
- Greatest Liability: Attraction to electric bug zappers
- Number Of Times Trump Has Issued Order To Have Him Killed: 12
- Pet Names For Grandparents: Mamaw and Pissbucket
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