Kamala Harris Turns Down Democratic Nomination To Work On Alaskan Fishing Vessel

WASHINGTON—In a significant setback for the already-reeling Democratic Party, Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly turned down the presidential nomination today in order to take a job on an Alaskan fishing vessel. “It’s a nice offer, but I already lined up this whole seasonal fishing gig out of Anchorage that sounds pretty sweet,” said Harris, stressing that the job would allow her to both see the world and make some friends along the way. “Basically, you live on the boat for the whole season and make, like, 40 grand each rotation. I’d even have my own bunk bed. Plus, you get to cook some of the sockeye every night, so you save a bunch on meal costs. That’ll be way more fulfilling than sitting at a laptop every day. Then, whenever I’m back on dry land, I’ll go checkout Denali and some of the islands. Sorry, but a promise is a promise, and I’m not budging. I can’t let Captain Nick or the Kingfisher crew down.” Harris added that she had really only accepted the vice presidency in the first place so she could save enough for a plane ticket up north.