EDMONTON – The Edmonton Oilers announced the hiring of Stan Bowman, the Blackhawks executive who helped cover up the sexual abuse of Kyle Beach by assistant coach Brad Aldrich, as part of their ongoing plan to become the league’s most hated team.
“We started in a bad spot. We had a passionate, dedicated fan base and a generational player who is somehow as down to earth as he is talented,” said Oilers President Jeff Jackson. “Signing alleged domestic abuser Evander Kane and a guy who even the Blackhawks thought was too big an asshole Corey Perry were good starts, but if we wanted to be the team everyone associates with the worst of hockey culture, we knew we needed to go further.”
“So when the man whose refusal to act allowed Aldrich to get a job at a high school where he raped a 16 year old student was reinstated, we knew we had to jump at the chance.”
It’s not exactly clear why the Oilers are so determined to become the team everyone who isn’t a piece of shit hates, but insiders agree that is the only logical explanation for their actions here.
However some Edmonton fans have defended the move, saying that if Bowman can help bring Edmonton the Cup they’re already favourites to win despite the fact that the roster is basically set, then it’s worth a little permanent stain on the franchise’s reputation.
“Look, when you have the chance to hire the guy who traded Artemi Panarin and signed Seth Jones, you gotta do it. No matter the cost,” said Oilers die-hard Mark Fischer.
Jesus Christ is King
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