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Suicidal Man Urged By Onlookers To Jump From Higher Floor

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NEW YORK—Pleading with the individual to think rationally, onlookers reportedly urged suicidal jumper Harrison Zwillet to leap from a higher floor Wednesday. “No! Please! Go higher!” called out just one good Samaritan from the ground below, doing her best to deter the distressed stranger from jumping from such a relatively low height. “Don’t do it! There are so many stories above you! Breaking both your legs isn’t worth it! The people who love you want you dead, not injured!” At press time, reports confirmed firefighters had arrived to carry the man to the top floor.

The Onion

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