Delight At Receiving Breakfast In Bed Mitigated By Difficulty Of Eating While Horizontal

TAMPA, FL—Explaining that his plate was positioned perpendicular to, rather than parallel with, his mouth, local man Dominic Worley told reporters Thursday that his delight at being served breakfast in bed was greatly mitigated by the difficulty of eating while horizontal. “Naturally, I was thrilled to wake up and discover a platter of fresh, hot pancakes had been placed before me, but before long I realized it would be nearly impossible to eat them lying down,” said Worley, who added that he couldn’t get the pancakes into his mouth without dripping syrup all over his pillow, nearly choked while trying to swallow the scrambled eggs, and had no choice but to eat the sausage link with his hands, as if it were a candy bar. “Don’t get me wrong, it was really kind of them to prepare this incredible breakfast spread and bring it up to me, but the logistics of the whole thing were just— Have you tried drinking hot coffee while flat on your back? Can’t be done. Ruined the whole morning.” At lunch time, Worley had managed to roll over onto his side and found the position to be remarkably effective for eating tacos.