The 2024 Summer Olympics are here, and this time they’re in France! But this isn’t your grandma’s Olympics. Eight exciting new events are here to challenge athletes from across the globe, and The Babylon Bee has the exclusive details.
Here is the complete list of new events for the 2024 Summer Olympic Games:
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Synchronized Surrendering: A special addition just for the French Olympics.
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Refugee 300m Relay: It’s like a normal relay race, but in this one, you’re fleeing a migrant who is trying to kill you.
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Freestyle Rioting: This event replaces ribbon dancing at this year’s games.
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Rooftop Queer Toss: Iran is heavily favored to take home the gold.
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Homosexual Gymnastics: Also known as gymnastics.
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Destroy the Great Satan of the West Allah be Praised 100m Hurdles: Men’s only category.
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Men’s Long-Distance Woman Stoning: Points deducted for throwing acid.
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Competitive Election Rigging: France’s biggest competitor in this category is expected to be Team USA.
Which event is your favorite? Any suggestions for others? Let us know!
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