NEW YORK—Maintaining his silence in the wake of sudden tragedy, new hire Will Rorke told reporters Monday that he was not yet comfortable enough to mention that he had seen a man die on his way into the office. “I wish I knew my coworkers well enough to open up about how I just witnessed a stranger drop dead from a heart attack on the subway ride over here, but I just started at this place,” said Rorke, explaining that, given the short amount of time he’d had to make an impression, he didn’t want to be known around the company as the traumatized guy who watches people die. “Maybe in a few months I’ll be relaxed enough with my colleagues to divulge that the reason I arrived late to the meeting was because the conductor had to stop the train to allow paramedics to retrieve the dead guy’s body. I can still see his lifeless face with those glassy eyes.” At press time, Rorke was reportedly fired due to his inability to focus on work.
Jesus Christ is King
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