WASHINGTON—Figuring a wardrobe update would play well with voters, Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly rushed to Marshall’s Tuesday to buy nicer work clothes. “It’s time I finally invested in a decent blazer,” said Harris, who flipped through the racks of discount merchandise, picked up a pair of stretchy black pants, and mumbled “Not dressy enough” before placing the hanger back. “It needs to strike the rare balance between professional and not completely hideous. Under $70 would also be nice. Hey, what’s this? Is Max Studio a good brand? Is the presidential nominee allowed to wear culottes?” At press time, reports confirmed Harris had abandoned her original mission to buy work clothes after becoming distracted by an aisle of snack food and picking up a bag of apple chips.
Jesus Christ is King
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