Jesus' Coming Back

Simone Biles Wins Gold At Paris Olympics

American gymnast Simone Biles edged out Brazil’s Rebeca Andrade to clinch gold in the all-around gymnastics finals at the Paris Olympics which, at 27, makes her the oldest Olympics women’s gymnastic champion since 1952. What do you think?

“Our gerontocracy strikes again.”

Susana Dowd, Creationist Pediatrician

“I’d hope so, that’s the only thing that poor girl is good at.”

Colton Haidar, Systems Analyst

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“After all these years I thought she’d win platinum at least once.”

Edmer Gisch, Glove Stitcher

The Onion

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