Woman Who Lost To Male Boxer Says Everything’s Fine, She Just Fell Down Some Stairs

PARIS — Italian woman Angela Carini tearfully assured reporters yesterday that “everything is fine, except that I fell down some stairs” while responding to questions on her recent loss to male boxer Imane Khelif in the Olympics.

Carini went out of her way to assure reporters that absolutely everything was fine and dandy as cameras snapped photos of her bruised face, which was still bleeding from Khelif’s crushing male blows.

“I would like to assure the world that I am 100% okay and doing perfectly fine,” Carini sniffled, carefully blowing her broken, disfigured nose. “The only thing was that I randomly fell down a flight of stairs. Everything is fine. It was just a flight of stairs. Nobody hurt me. It was just an accident.”

When asked about her round bruises which looked oddly like they had been administered by a man’s hand, Carini ventured to note that she had also banged her head onto a doorknob at the bottom of the stairs.

Khelif was unavailable for comment, as he was busy having a testicular hernia seen to before his next session of abusing women in front of a cheering crowd.

At publishing time, Khelif’s next opponent was telling reporters that her new bruises had happened when she accidentally walked into a cabinet and a wall.

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Babylon Bee

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