5 tips for celebrating Saskatchewan Day, New Brunswick Day, Natal Day, Briti—wait, Natal Day? What the fuck?
HALIFAX – Another August long weekend is upon us, and whether you’re a Manitoban celebrating Terry Fox Day, a Vancouverite getting ready to enjoy British Columbia Day, or a Nova Scotian ringing in Natal Day, we have some great ideas to help you relax and get the most out of… wait, hang on. Natal Day? What the shit is that, Nova Scotia?
We know not every province aced its August holiday name. No one outside of Toronto knows who or what a Simcoe is, and Heritage Day is so generic Alberta might as well have called it Holiday Day. But Natal Day? Come on now, Nova Scotia.
Yeah, we know, it was named back in eighteen-hundred-and-whatever, when all the smarty-pants still spoke Latin. Natal means birth, it’s Nova Scotia’s birthday, we get it. But it’s the 21st century, motherfuckers. Today it sounds like a holiday for people who firebomb abortion clinics. Did you know that parts of Ontario call it James Cockburn Day? People are out there celebrating Cockburn Day, and you’re still the weirdos. Get with the times.
Okay, let’s get into those tips. Hosting a barbeque is a simple but effective way to spend time with family, you can hop in a city pool to beat the summer heat, or you can catch a local sporting event, because a small-town ball game is a great way to—
Sorry, no, we can’t get over this. Natal Day is what the Boss Baby calls his birthday because it sounds more “professional,” you Haligonian dorks. Okay, fine, you don’t want to copy half of Canada and just celebrate Nova Scotia Day. But how about Rita MacNeil Day, or Sarah McLachlan Day? Everyone likes Sarah McLachlan. No one likes thinking of a neonatal unit where tiny little babies struggle to cling to life. And that’s what you’re making the whole nation do, Nova Scotia.
So maybe you should spend your creepy holiday flipping through the dictionary for any other word that would make a better day. Summer Day. Patio Day. Beer Day. Whatever. Figure it the fuck out.
Jesus Christ is King
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