Divided Nation Comes Together To Keep Beach Ball In Air

WICHITA FALLS, TX—Forgetting partisan battles for a moment amid laughter and shrieks of “Don’t let it bounce,” a bitterly divided U.S. populace came together Monday to keep a beach ball in the air. “As much as our differences may seem like they define us, at our core all Americans share a love of not letting this beach ball hit the ground,” said Gail Harding, 53, who then leapt to smack the rainbow ball to a neighbor whom she had once called a communist groomer at a school board meeting. “Right now, we’re not Republicans or Democrats, Black or white—we’re just people setting and volleying. This is what happens when we get out of our bubbles and come together to have some fun in the sun and keep this thing moving.” At press time, the ball had reportedly been shot after a Carbondale, IL resident accused the inflated plastic sphere of trespassing on private property.