EVANSTON, IL—Fingers trembling as he hurriedly composed a message begging his mom to pick him up from the sleepover, 12-year-old Quentin Matthews was said to be horrified Tuesday by the set of mismatched towels in the bathroom of his friend’s modest ranch house. “Oh God, Mom, can you come get me? Their towels are all sorts of colors and brands—they aren’t even monogrammed,” the pale, visibly shaken child reportedly wrote in his text, which went on to describe the terror of being suddenly assailed by the sight of two different terrycloth patterns next to each other on the nearby towel rod. “I’m really scared. They had a bath sheet hanging next to a bath towel, and one had seashells on it and the other one was striped. And I don’t think they even have a second bathroom, not even a powder room off the foyer. How soon can you get here?” At press time, sources reported the child had started hyperventilating when he noticed the plastic bottle of non-artisanal hand soap next to the sink.
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