Who Is Harris’ Running Mate Tim Walz?

After a great deal of anticipation, Democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris picked Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz as her running mate. The Onion takes a look at the former educator and National Guard member’s background.

Birthplace: Small Town Where Folks Looked Out For Each Other, USA

Career Accomplishments: It’s Not Polite To Brag

Spouse: Gwen. You know, Gwen from church?

Favorite Curse Word: Shucks

Subject He Taught At High School: A.P. Governing

Views On Abortion: One Oopsie Daisy Should Not Define A Person

Vision For America: Whatever Kamala Says

Most Recent Controversy: Snuck Extra Piece Of Wife’s Brambleberry Pie

Highest Political Position Anyone Assumed He Would Achieve: Treasurer Of Condo’s HOA

Celebrity Crush: Ina Garten

Signature Scent: Cream Of Mushroom

Brat?: Sure

Potential Liability: Often Mistaken For A Sentient Snowman

Highest Tolerable Spice Level: Ketchup