OTTAWA – The latest polling is showing an unexpected leader in federal politics – the Men’s 2024 Olympic 4×100 relay team. With 74% of respondents saying they intend to vote for the combined talents of Andre De Grasse, Aaron Brown, Jerome Blake and Brandon Rodney, even if they don’t technically constitute a political party.
Parliament politico, Marie-Louise Thériault, says, “People are tired of the uninspired stagnation and slow pace of change from the usual parties. These four newcomers can change things in 37.50 seconds. That’s what gets Canadians fired up.”
55% of undecided voters have declared their intention to vote for the gold-medal winners from Paris by write-in. Elections Canada has released a statement saying that Canada does not have write-in candidates and doing so would spoil the ballot “even if that idea is fucking awesome”. The remaining 45% said they were waiting for Summer McIntosh to be eligible for election so they could declare her Governor-General of Canada & Kicking Ass, even if that’s not how that position is selected nor the actual official title.
Even though none of the relay runners have declared even the slightest interest in politics, that has not stopped an excited public from clamouring for absolutely anyone that isn’t the current slate of leaders. Thériault noted, “If you’re going to have people run for office, why not have the best runners in the country?”
When asked for comment about the potential for political upset in the status quo from the quartet, Poilièvre replied: “Who?” At which point, De Grasse sprinted by kicking up a dust cloud that left Poilièvre coughing.
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