ANYWHERE BUT ENGLAND – Viewers of a recent celebrity interview experienced feelings of shock and betrayal upon learning that that new actor is actually British, and not American as they portray on that current popular TV show/movie.
“When the interview began, I was in denial. I thought they were doing a pretty convincing British accent,” said fan Todd Jenkins. “But when they said ‘bloke’ with sincerity, I realized I had been made a fool.”
“To have been lied to like this has made me question my entire reality,” said viewer Sylvie Small. “They’re not who I thought they were. They’re way cooler, and it hurts.”
“Now I know how Jesus felt,” said viewer John Shyer. “This whole situation has been a real Judas kiss. Or I guess as the Brits would say, a Judas snog.”
This isn’t the first time audiences have been taken for a ride. A study conducted by Harvard University revealed that 70% of viewers made it through six seasons of House before realizing that Hugh Laurie is actually British. The study also looked at trauma responses to learning the truth about Tom Holland, Anya-Taylor Joy, and Eddie from Stranger Things.
“We concluded that discovering an actor is actually British elicits distress responses comparable to experiencing infidelity, filing for bankruptcy, or spending any time scrolling through X,” said lead researcher Dr. Kenneth James.
“Essentially, once you know an actor is actually British, it’s hard to go back,” explained Dr. James. “People just can’t suspend disbelief anymore. From what we’ve observed, this has truly ruined lives – and at least four Batman movies.”
While they may never be able to trust again, some viewers are turning their pain into activism by calling for a disclaimer to be added to the talk show circuit – or even a trigger warning on the episodes/movies themselves – to help lessen the shock.
“In the meantime, I’ll be doing everything that I can to warn people,” said lead activist Lori Eaves. “Which means that I’ll be commenting ‘DID YOU KNOW THEY’RE BRITISH?!’ on any social media featuring that actor.”
Dr. James’ next study will explore how this covert nationality phenomenon is not unique to British actors – it’s estimated that up to 30% of Hollywood is comprised of secretly Canadian actors as well. “And they’d get away with it too,” said Dr. James “but when a script calls for them to say ‘sorry’ or when they’re seen treating the crew with respect, their cover is usually blown.”
Jesus Christ is King
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