U.S. — In an exciting announcement expected to generate significant buzz among people who enjoy beverages vaguely flavored by obscure and unpopular flavors, sparkling water brand La Croix has introduced a new Creamed Corn flavor.
The new flavor was chosen following extensive research to find any flavors La Croix had not already used, which ended up being a list consisting only of beef Wellington, ranch dressing, and creamed corn.
“It’s an exciting day for people who enjoy things that almost taste like another thing,” said La Croix marketing spokesperson Kara Marler. “If you’re the type of person who has been disappointed in the lack of options for beverages that carry a slight hint of side dishes you’d have at your grandmother’s house, Creamed Corn La Croix is the drink for you!”
As is the process for all other La Croix flavors, large vats of purified sparkling water will be briskly wheeled past simmering pots of creamed corn, leaving the water with only the slightest suggestion of that one side dish you might have at a family gathering once a year if at all. “We’ve gotten it down to a science at this point,” Marler said. “You can’t get it too close to the flavor source, or it’ll end up actually having a taste, which is something we don’t want. No, we want to make sure this new edition only tastes like someone who ate a mouthful of creamed corn gently exhaled into your glass of water. That’s the sweet spot.”
At publishing time, Marler assured any customer who did not like creamed corn that they could still enjoy the new flavor since it doesn’t really have any taste at all.
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