TEMPLE, TX — The salvation status of local man Jeremy Dawkins became unclear this morning after a poorly timed stretch put Dawkins’ hand firmly in the air when the pastor issued the altar call.
“I think I see a hand over there!” said Pastor Tom excitedly, waving in Dawkins’ direction. “Let’s welcome our new brother!”
Dawkins reportedly finished his stretch, then looked around bewildered as the people nearby began clapping and cheering. “Wait a sec…did I just accidentally put up my hand during the altar call?” wondered Dawkins. “Does that count? Did I just become a Christian? Oh man, I better go ask.”
According to church sources, Pastor Tom felt that Dawkins’ arm had passed the well-established 45-degree threshold, clearly indicating acceptance. “You learn over years of ministry to avoid the 30-degree arm raise, that’s almost always a false alarm,” explained Pastor Tom. “It took about twenty minutes of conversation with Jeremy to sort it all out, poor guy. He just really fooled me with the big stretch there! The Lord is really working on his heart, and I can’t wait to welcome him into Christ’s family for real.”
At publishing time, Dawkins had decided to go ahead and accept the truth of his sinful nature and the gift of Christ’s saving grace – though he decided to do so with his arms at his side in a quiet chapel with Pastor Tom.
A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report.
If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!
If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!
Watch how a D.E.I. consultant magically turns a video game into… well, something else entirely.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more uplifting DEI videos!
Babylon Bee
Comments are closed.