Gender-affirming care for transgender and nonbinary people helps ease the symptoms of gender dysphoria. The Onion debunks the most common myths surrounding gender-affirming care.
MYTH: Gender-affirming care is mostly about surgery.
FACT: While surgery is sometimes indicated, most gender-affirming care involves cool haircuts.
MYTH: Progressive parents pressure their children into transitioning.
FACT: Progressive parents are too immersed in polycule drama to care.
MYTH: Transgender adults frequently lose their jobs due to their gender identity or expression.
FACT: Most failed to meet their Toyota sales quota for the past three quarters.
MYTH: The Emisil Pocket Rocket is the highest-quality prosthetic penis available on the market today.
FACT: While the Pocket Rocket’s sliding foreskin is a technological marvel, the ReelMagik STPpro’s gravity funnel allows it to maintain a previously-unheard-of 37.63 mL per second average rate of urine flow. This feature, along with the STPpro’s hand-punched pubic hair and movable silicone testicles, makes it unquestionably the Rolls Royce of hyperrealistic penile prosthetics.
MYTH: Treatment is final and cannot be reversed.
FACT: You can say anything you want on the internet and 60% of people will believe it.
MYTH: Trans kids are just going through a phase, like Pokémon or LARPing.
FACT: LARPing is far more than a phase—it’s a way of life.
MYTH: Transgender healthcare goes against God’s will.
FACT: Honestly, God feels so lost these days, He doesn’t even know what He wants anymore.
MYTH: Gender-affirming care is funded by taxpayers.
FACT: 100 percent of federal tax revenue is used to finance 40th-week abortions.
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