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Man Found Strapped To Gurney, Injected With Poison In Execution-Style Killing

BARTLESVILLE, OK—Expressing horror as they described the brutal nature of the killing, law enforcement officials confirmed Monday that local man Aaron Turney had been found strapped to a gurney and injected with poison in an execution-style murder. “Officers arriving at the scene found the victim had been bound to a stretcher and pumped full of midazolam, vecuronium bromide, and potassium chloride in what we have determined was an execution-style killing,” said state police spokesperson Raymond Perk, citing the multiple injection wounds that riddled the victim’s arm and traces of the holy water that was apparently used by a priest to administer the man’s last rites. “Scraps of a surf-and-turf dinner found nearby suggest Mr. Turney was also served a customary last meal prior to his ritual killing. We ask anyone who may have witnessed the execution from the nearby viewing gallery to please come forward with any leads.” At press time, a suspect had been apprehended and was being held on murder charges, with the state attorney general vowing the alleged killer would be sentenced to death by lethal injection for his heinous crimes.

The Onion

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