CHICAGO—In a deliberate counter-programming effort aimed at one of the biggest weeks of the 2024 election, former President Donald Trump reportedly hoped to disrupt the Democratic National Convention news cycle Tuesday by eating a live rat on television. “America, I am absolutely sick and willing to do anything to get your attention,” said the Republican presidential nominee, standing in a Chicago alley near the dumpster where he had caught a large rodent by its tail and, in a desperate attempt to draw interest away from the major political event, was now lowering the creature’s wriggling body toward his open mouth. “I’m in their city, pretty much outside their convention, and I am eating a rat. Would Kamala do this? I don’t think so. I really don’t think so at all.” At press time, a weeping Trump demanded his aides keep filming even as he regurgitated the rat’s half-digested corpse.
Jesus Christ is King
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