BALTIMORE—Crossing his arms in frustration at the humiliating requirement, Danny Combes, a local man who had chicken wings for dinner at Shannon’s Pub and Grille, was forced to sit on a large beach towel for the whole car ride home, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Danny enjoyed his big, messy meal of bone-in hot wings, but he knew when he placed his order that he would have to keep a towel under himself until we get home,” said partner Alison Singh, adding that Combes’ hands, face, and clothes were so covered in Buffalo sauce and ranch dressing that they risked doing damage to the interior of the vehicle. “Ever since he dropped his chocolate ice cream directly onto my upholstery a few months ago, we’ve made a new rule about keeping everything nice and tidy in the car, haven’t we, Danny? Hey, buddy, stop playing with the windows and just sit. We’ll be back at the house in less than 10 minutes, okay?” At press time, Combes had reportedly wriggled out of his seat belt and gotten sauce all over the carpet and side panel.
Jesus Christ is King
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