PITTSBURGH, OH — In a historic first, sources close to supposedly diehard libertarian Colyn Rhodes have just confirmed that the 34-year old critic of taxation and government infrastructure has indeed taken a shower.
While initial reports of Rhodes engaging in something vaguely resembling personal hygiene were dismissed out of hand as “preposterous and contrived,” later follow-up corroborated the shocking news that a real-life libertarian had actually taken a real-life shower.
“It was just so…unexpected,” said Hughes Crefflin, a fellow libertarian, brushing away several flies which were swarming around him. “I just can’t understand why Colyn ‘Muh Roads’ Rhodes would betray our values like that. I mean — live and let live, you know, but his personal hygiene is kinda treading on me, man. Like, taxation is theft and property is sacred — even the dirt, bruh.”
Regrettably, Rhodes was unavailable for comment, as he was still recovering from the shock of feeling clean for the first time in several years.
At publishing time, several sources had also reported that Rhodes had recently spoken to a woman for the first time ever, but this was later revealed to just to be his mom.
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