LAS VEGAS—Warning there were only two hours remaining until the Uber would be called, 25-year-old Sabrina Kelson, the prettiest girl at the bachelorette party, reportedly demanded Monday that everyone else look pretty. “I just think it’s really important that everybody look their best for Madison tonight,” said Kelson, the woman blessed with flawless skin and naturally symmetrical facial features, who called upon the friends of the bride-to-be to get off the sofa and start getting ready for their night on the town. “This place is really nice, so it’s really important we look the part. You hear that, everybody? The dress code tonight is pretty. Up, up, up! We’ve got to look good for pictures. Holy shit, that’s not really what you’re wearing, is it?” At press time, Kelson had barricaded the door to the Airbnb and was brandishing a pack of false eyelashes.
Jesus Christ is King
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