Jesus' Coming Back

Study Shows 9 Out Of 10 Astronauts Choose To Be Stranded In Space Rather Than Board Craft Built By Boeing

SPACE — As the saga of the two astronauts stuck aboard the International Space Station continued, a new study showed that 9 out of 10 astronauts surveyed said they would rather be stranded in space than board a craft built by Boeing.

American astronauts Barry Wilmore and Sunita Williams have been stranded aboard the ISS for over two months on what was intended to be only an eight-day mission. Other astronauts reached for comment were not surprised by the choice to avoid boarding a Boeing craft.

“Oh, yeah, that’s a no-brainer,” said astronaut Jim Pearson. “If that was me up there, I’d much rather take my chances living in the cold, inhospitable clutches of space than set one foot in a Boeing spacecraft. For one thing, the chances of survival in space are significantly greater than those of flying aboard a Boeing product. That’s just science.”

Though Wilmore and Willams knew waiting for rescue from a SpaceX craft would not happen until February 2025, they said it was an easy choice. “We didn’t have to debate much about it,” Wilmore explained. “While living in space presents very real and constant risks to our lives, we both agreed that we’d much rather roll the dice and live in space for another six months than climb aboard another one of those Boeing death traps. No thank you, Boeing. We’ll wait here for Elon.”

At publishing time, executives at Boeing privately expressed concern that this controversy may prevent their spacecraft from receiving this year’s J.D. Power & Associates “Top Safety Pick” award.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report.
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