LONDON – Following years of fomenting hostilities, Liam and Noel Gallagher, founding brothers of British rock band Oasis, have announced a diplomatic breakthrough, each recognizing the other’s sovereign right to exist.
“In respect of our shared heritage and the historic presence of each other in the highly contested region of mid-90’s angsty Brit-Rock, Liam and I have agreed to cease ongoing rancor and respect the other as independent yet fundamental participants in peace,” read Liam from a prepared statement.
“We look forward to laying the groundwork for what we hope will be many lasting years of touring mid-sized stadiums in Europe, North America, and certain parts of Asia to diminishing returns.”
Sources close to the brothers confirmed that a Mutual Armistice was signed on Friday which will guarantee that Liam immediately withdraw his forces from Noel’s estate, leaving only a small entourage across the southern border to prevent the re-arming of some of Noel’s more violent groundskeepers. In return, Noel will cease launching Katyusha rockets at Liam every time he sees him.
Meanwhile, the global community has breathed a sigh of relief as the prospect of a larger war among the BritPop community appears to have been at least temporarily averted. Coldplay has discontinued all threats to strike at either brother through their regional proxies Radiohead and Blur. Nevertheless, all eyes remain on Supreme Leader Adam Ant as to whether he will formally respect the detente.
In related news, the surviving members of Fleetwood Mac continue to rattle sabers as Stevie Nicks unveils a new single climbing the charts, alongside an intercontinental missile capable of striking Mick Fleetwood without advance warning.
Jesus Christ is King
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