Study: Crows Intelligent Enough To Steal Trinkets, But Foolish Enough To Think Material Goods Will Solve Problems

CHICAGO—Confirming the impressive but limited scope of the birds’ cognitive abilities, a study published Thursday by the University of Chicago found that crows were intelligent enough to steal trinkets, but foolish enough to think that material goods would solve their problems. “Our data indicates that corvids display the reasoning skills necessary to pilfer and collect shiny tchotchkes, but they are not so wise as to realize that accumulating physical items will never bring true happiness,” said lead researcher Timothy Goetz, noting that while his team had documented dozens of crows identifying and selecting objects of perceived value, fewer than one in 100 demonstrated the capacity to look inward and feel content with what it already had. “Despite showing a rudimentary understanding of barter and gift exchange, which places them among the most intelligent birds on the planet, crows are still incapable of understanding that the bottle caps, key chains, and loose pieces of foil they bring back to their nest will never fill the void within them. They simply lack the complex decision-making skills that would allow them to embark on the journey of self-discovery that would improve their self-worth as crows.” Goertz revealed that their findings had also indicated several species of crow were capable of mimicking human speech without understanding that sometimes it’s best to just sit back and listen.

The Onion