Just because people can vote doesn’t mean they should vote, and frankly there are a lot of clowns out there who don’t belong within a hundred yards of a ballot box. Here are the 9 things that ought to immediately disqualify a person from being allowed to vote:
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Cannot drive a stick shift: If you can’t choose a gear, how can you choose a President?
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Cannot properly carve a turkey: Learn your way around a bird before you try choosing senators.
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Can actually fold a fitted sheet: Clearly such people are warlocks, and we don’t need warlocks voting.
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Owns any Taylor swift album past Red, at which point she really shifted away from her country roots in favor of a more pop-oriented sound, expanding her fan base but abandoning the unique amalgamation of sounds and the innocence of adolescence that defined her early discography: Not that we care.
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Cannot parallel park: No rear-view cameras allowed!
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Got the vaccine in exchange for a donut: These folks can’t be trusted to pump gas, much less choose our country’s leaders.
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Can name all of the Spice Girls: That poor, twisted mind.
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Ever bought a car during Toyotathon: If they could make a decision that bad, just think how terrible their votes would be.
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Is dead: Controversial opinion, we know!
Do you know anyone like this? Go on — stop them before they can get to the polls!
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Babylon Bee
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