9 Best Reasons To Go Make A Baby RIGHT NOW

Brought to you by: ProLife Across America

Don’t try to deny it — you’ve been sitting there all day wondering if today is a good day to go make a baby. Wonder no more! Here are nine bulletproof reasons that you should go make a baby IMMEDIATELY:

1. It’s probably more fun than whatever you’re doing right now: We’re sure you’re really enjoying reading this article and all, but…

2. You need to outbreed the Mormons: It’s a never-ending battle.

3. You are a Mormon: It’s just what you do.

4. Babies are super squishy and you can dress them in hilarious outfits: Who doesn’t want to see a tiny little Roman centurion on Halloween?

5. They’re so easy to beat in chess: Babies never see the blitzkrieg maneuver coming.

6. You get to cuddle a baby whenever you want without people shouting “Hey, who’s that guy?” and “Give me back my baby!”: It’s much more relaxing.

7. You can finally drive in the HOV lane: A person’s a passenger, no matter how small.

8. You can pinch them to get out of boring conversations: They’re so handy!

9. At some point, the weight of the world and the pervasiveness of evil will threaten to overtake you and you’ll look down into your baby’s eyes and they will smile up at you and you’ll realize there’s so much wonder and so many miracles happening at every moment of every day: We’re not crying, you’re crying!

Are you seriously still just sitting there reading? What are you waiting for? You saw the list! Go make a baby!! (MARRIED PEOPLE ONLY, YA HEATHENS)

NOT SATIRE: Did you know that a simple Billboard – featuring an 800# Hotline for Help – can help save a baby’s life? It’s true. So often, someone experiencing an untimely pregnancy may not know about alternatives to abortion or that help is available. That’s why PROLIFE Across AMERICA’s Billboards have proven to be lifesaving.

So often our ads may be the only visible sign of hope and help to someone on the brink of an abortion decision, such as this recent caller to our Hotline: “I’m so glad to talk to a live person. Is this a place I can talk about my pregnancy? I’m feeling nauseous, scared, and panicky.” – Springfield, VT.

In addition to Billboards, PROLIFE Across AMERICA also sponsors Radio and Internet Ads to reach those in need. Each Ad features our Hotline, which connects callers to a pregnancy support center in their local area, offering pregnancy services, confidential counseling (including adoption), as well as post-abortion assistance.

Help save babies’ lives and join us in this life-saving outreach. We are 100% donor-funded, tax-deductible 501(c)(3), and a non-political organization.

Plus this month, those who donate $50 or more will receive a FREE tote bag!

Watch how a D.E.I. consultant magically turns a video game into… well, something else entirely.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more uplifting DEI videos!
Babylon Bee