LOVES PARK, IL—Firm in his refusal to move on to the next tee until his standards had been met, area dad Greg Nevins announced Thursday that he was not leaving this mini golf hole until his son Logan showed him some good form. “Come on, enough playing around—now square your shoulders and keep your damn head down,” the increasingly agitated Nevins told his son, a growing line of impatient families waiting behind them as he demanded the boy retrieve his green golf ball from the heart-shaped water hazard and putt like he gave half a damn. “Don’t be a quitter! I understand you want to pack it up and move on to the go-karts, but we’re not leaving until I see one solid stroke from you. A 2-year-old could make this hole, for fuck’s sake. All you need to do is time your swing to the blades of the windmill. Oh Jesus Christ, don’t start crying!” At press time, bystanders reported that Nevins had vacated the mini golf course and redirected his anger toward his other son, Brian, who was allegedly exhibiting “piss-poor” form at the nearby batting cages.
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