Jesus' Coming Back

Bengals Coaching Staff Holding Breath After Joe Burrow Endures Rough High-Five

CINCINNATI—Wincing at the sound of the two palms coming into contact with each other, the Cincinnati Bengals coaching staff reportedly held its breath Sunday after Joe Burrow endured a rough high-five from a teammate. “Oof, that looked like it hurt,” said commentator Ian Eagle, who narrated a replay of the congratulatory gesture showing the 27-year-old Bengals quarterback yelping, recoiling, and tumbling to the ground in pain, the skin of his hand visibly reddened. “That was absolutely brutal. Bengals head coach Zac Taylor looks like he’s in a state of shock. Hopefully Burrow can recover, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s out for the season. And it looks like they’re taking him to the tent now. All we can do is pray.” At press time, the incident had led to renewed calls for players to wear thicker gloves.

The Onion

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