Charles Wesley Kicking Himself For Not Realizing He Could Just Repeat Worship Chorus 20 Times And Call It A Day

HEAVEN — While in eternal glory and revelry in the presence of the Lord and His saints, famed hymn writer Charles Wesley was kicking himself for not realizing he could just repeat the same chorus 20 times and call it a day.

Wesley, who wrote such beloved hymns as “O for a Thousand Tongues to Sing,” “Christ the Lord Is Risen Today,” and “Come Thou Long Expected Jesus,” has reportedly been watching the evolution of Christian music over the centuries regretting that he filled his songs with so much beauty and deep theological truth when he could have just churned out song after song of shallow, repetitive choruses.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me this sooner?” Wesley said recently. “I used to just pore over these hymns wanting to give the utmost glory to the Lord while giving people songs that were simultaneously truly beautiful to sing and chock-full of powerful biblical truths. Come to find out I could’ve just slapped together a couple of easy verses with one repetitive chorus and a bunch of dramatic ‘whoahs’ and ‘yeahs.’ Do you realize how many more songs I could’ve written in my life?”

Wesley’s brother, John, confirmed that it’s a topic that has continued to eat at Charles in the afterlife. “Don’t get me wrong, he totally loves it here,” John said. “He just gets irked when he looks down there and sees these new Christian songwriters. And don’t even get him started on guys who take old hymns and add new choruses to them. We don’t want to hear him talking about it for all eternity.”

At publishing time, Charles Wesley’s companions in Heaven were hoping he wouldn’t hear about Chris Tomlin’s upcoming “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” remix.

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Babylon Bee