WASHINGTON—Noting a distinct lack of energy and focus from the incumbent, Democratic Party officials were reportedly alarmed Tuesday by President Joe Biden’s poor performance as a debate viewer. “Confidence is waning among party leaders after the president’s uninspiring attempt to focus during the debate tonight,” said a high-ranking Democratic official, who remarked that it was “almost hard to watch” as the commander-in-chief tried and failed to find a comfortable position in his chair, and barely responded to any of the lights or sounds emanating from the television. “It was essentially one long awkward pause for the entire 90 minutes as he just sat there, glazed-over, staring at the screen, saying nothing. He barely murmured anything beyond asking Jill to turn up the volume, which did little to assuage voters’ concerns about his declining health. We’re not going to sugarcoat it—it seemed like he had a pretty hard time following along without closed captioning.” At press time, President Biden had released a statement calling the debate the most boring episode of M*A*S*H he’d ever seen.
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