Jesus' Coming Back

Sweetgreen Expands Line Of Kids’ Meals For Adult Women With Eating Disorders

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better cater to its customer base, Sweetgreen unveiled an expanded line of kids’ meals Wednesday for adult women with eating disorders. “For years, our gaunt customers have been telling us they love the 275-calorie children’s Mini Mezze, but they just wish it were smaller,” said Anne Sindler, a spokesperson for the fast casual chain, who explained that the new expanded kids’ menu was inspired by fresh, seasonal ingredients as well as the frail, 35-year-old women who stopped by the pickup counter every evening after spending more than two hours on the gym treadmill. “Don’t worry, we already know you don’t want any salad dressing. Feel free to pass out right onto the plate. Now you can enjoy eight whole spinach leaves and an apple slice. Plus, every kids’ meal comes with a cup of water you can splash onto your bowl when it’s time to stop eating.” At press time, the company had responded to public backlash by clarifying that adult men with eating disorders were allowed to order the kids’ meals too.

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