CINCINNATI—Saying the new product offered its customers a way to clean up after-dinner messes with 100% less scrubbing, the dishwashing brand Dawn announced Thursday it would begin selling a small silver bell for summoning a butler to deal with the dishes. “Finally, a powerful dish bell that’s tough on grease but gentle on your ears,” a press release from Dawn read in part, describing how the hand-cast pewter bell lets out a delicate jingle specially formulated to cut through background noise and reach the ear of a household servant, whether they’re in the salon, the atrium, the drawing room, the study, or their quarters at the back of the property. “No matter how bad the mess, simply ring this bell to call for a classically trained butler to emerge from the scullery and begin showing off the talents he mastered at a stately mansion in the Welsh countryside. Protect your soft, supple hands from the curse of labor and never again strain your voice while shouting for your manservant. Give the Dawn bell a dainty shake and consider the dishes done.” At press time, Dawn announced a limited release of brass bells for summoning a different butler to polish the silver bell.
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