CALGARY – WestJet has finally embraced its reputation as one of Canada’s most reviled airlines with the debut of its new company slogan: “Air Canada, but somehow worse.”
The slogan was initially decried as false advertising, as regulators asserted it is literally impossible to be worse than Air Canada. However, a thorough investigation by thousands of customers screwed over by the airline confirmed that WestJet’s claims of suckyness are, in fact, true.
“Too long has WestJet been dismissed as only the second worst airline in Canada,” says spokesperson Tarren Edmonds, appearing via video call sixteen hours after his scheduled interview. “But in this – and I stress only this – way, I am certain we fly past the competition.”
Edmonds outlined a number of ways his airline is inferior to the notorious Air Canada, including a reduction in headroom as well as leg room, a new non-cancellation fee for any flight that isn’t delayed or cancelled, and the fact that it is headquartered in Alberta.
“Oh, and obviously our entire fleet is manufactured by Boeing.”
Edmonds went on to boast about WestJet’s new policy of a mandatory layover in Sudbury for all flight routes. “Our Victoria-Calgary customers particularly despise it,” he brags.
However, even with an already astounding number of flaws to its name, Edmonds doubled down on WestJet’s plans to suck even more in the future.
“Canadians need not worry. We’ll ensure that band you were dying to see in Vancouver gets stranded in St. John’s, that you don’t make it home in time to say goodbye to your ailing Great Aunt Ruth, and that when any of you do finally get on a flight, you’ll all somehow have to sit in the middle seat,” he says.
“And don’t worry about your luggage, either. I promise we won’t deliver.”
At press time, Air Transat was reportedly getting into the worst airline game by launching an all-new in-flight entertainment lineup consisting of the Netflix Canada menu screen, select episodes of Téléfrançais, and a single Nickelback album.
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