Media Assures Americans The Real Threat Is The Side That Keeps Getting Shot At

U.S. — In the wake of yet another assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump, the media sought to assure Americans that the real threat isn’t the side doing the shooting.

“The people getting shot at and murdered, they are the real threats,” explained CNN correspondent Dana Bash. “Every time you see another attempt to kill a Republican, remember that Democrats are the party of peace and tolerance.”

The media also condemned Republicans for using such harsh rhetoric and causing people to try to murder them. “We hereby call on the people getting shot at to stop being mean,” Bash went on to say. “I hope if Republicans manage to escape the guy shooting an AK-47, they will consider how hurtful their words can be. It is time the people with bullets whizzing over their heads tone things down.”

At publishing time, members of the American media had reiterated that calling Republicans “fascist dictators who must be stopped by any means necessary” was the true message of love and unity.

BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW:

Click here to find out how you can watch the movie when it releases on October 11
Babylon Bee