Rogers promises Leafs, Raptors fans that their teams will be just as successful as current Blue Jays
TORONTO – After announcing they had acquired majority control of Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment, the board of Rogers Communications reassured Leafs, Raptors, TFC and Argos fans that soon, their teams will be just as successful as the Blue Jays have been under Rogers ownership.
“If there is one word you associate with the Blue Jays since we acquired them in 2000 its ‘success’” said Rogers CEO Tony Staffieri, who nearly blew his chance at becoming CEO by butt dialling the guy he was going to replace while talking about the plan to replace him.
“Plus you can look forward to us putting statues of Ted Rogers in front of Scotiabank Arena (soon to be Rogers Centre 2) and BMO field (soon to be Rogers Field of Rogers).”
Fans say they are confident that the new ownership regime will mean greater investment in the things that really matter, like stadium upgrades and quality of concessions.
“Knowing that Ed Rogers, the guy who rejected plans for a WNBA team, wants Masai Ujiri gone and whose own sisters and mother tried to stop from taking control of the corporation is in charge of the franchise that controls a disturbing amount of my free time and mental health feels great,” said Raptors fan Marcus Fox.
“Hopefully soon I’ll enjoy watching the Raptors as much as everyone enjoyed watching the mid 2000s Jays”.
At press time Rogers had announced that all Leafs games will be on Sportsnet, with an intermission panel made up exclusively of Nick Kypreos, Frank Seravalli and that guy who always shows up to games wearing the jersey of whoever is playing against the Leafs.
Jesus Christ is King
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