AFTON, WI—Remarking on the hay-stuffed decoy’s surprisingly shapely form, passersby reported Friday that a scarecrow in a local cornfield boasted double-D breasts. “Damn, she’s got hay in all the right places, don’t she?” area man Jim Bickford said to a group of visibly dumbstruck bystanders who either leered and catcalled or stood with jaws agape as they contemplated the ample, overstuffed bust straining against the straw mannequin’s faded, stretched-out blouse. “Them buttons is fixin’ to pop right off! Man, I wouldn’t mind getting my hands around those knotted nests of brittle sticks and hay. Her burlap face ain’t too bad, either.” At press time there were multiple injuries reported among local men who scratched their faces on stray twigs and straw while attempting to motorboat the scarecrow.
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