SCRANTON, PA — Democrats celebrated as foreign leader Volodymyr Zelenskyy visited an ammunition factory in the hotly contested swing state of Pennsylvania to meddle in U.S. elections.
The Ukrainian President was quick to publicly throw his support behind Kamala Harris while placing his signature on artillery rounds.
“If Donald Trump wins in November, he will end the war, and also my generous allowance of billions from the United States,” said Zelenskyy. “Ukraine represents democracy and stuff. And Russia stands for not democracy or whatever. So a vote for Trump means you hate democracy. I am proud to endorse Kamala Harris, and I will prove my support by laundering millions of dollars I received from the U.S. government through various third parties until they end up in Democrat super PACs. It’s the least I can do for democracy.”
Democrats were enthusiastic about the endorsement. “We’re very glad this foreign leader has chosen to meddle in our democracy,” said Governor Josh Shapiro while placing his signature on various deadly weapons. “We invite other countries to meddle with our democracy on behalf of Democrats in order to save democracy.”
At publishing time, Zelenskyy had been spotted in Philadelphia filling out mail-in ballots.
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