Genius: Trump Responds To $150,000 Bounty On His Head By Offering Would-Be Assassins $150,001 To Not Kill Him
U.S. — A letter allegedly written by failed Trump assassin Ryan Routh has reportedly promised $150,000 to anyone who would successfully finish what he started. But Routh’s hopes of instigating more attempts on the former president’s life were foiled when Trump offered a reward of $150,001 to not kill him.
“I can do better,” announced Trump. “If you spare my life, you can have $150,001. All you have to do is not break the law. It’s easy money, believe me.”
Trump announced he would cover the costs of any potential payout with a new line of Trump NFTs that depicted him dodging bullets like Neo in The Matrix.
“Look, I get it. I’m a hot commodity, and everyone wants a piece of me. It’s understandable,” Trump said. “No one even wants to kill Comrade Kamala because she’s such a loser, and, frankly, I’m embarrassed for her.”
“The great dealmaker has done it again,” said a spokesman for the campaign. “Trump has single-handedly thwarted all future attempts on his life by out-bidding would-be assassin Ryan Routh. This is masterful negotiating.”
At publishing time, Donald Trump had filed for Chapter 13 Bankruptcy because he spent all his money paying people to not kill him.
BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW:
Click here to find out how you can watch the movie when it releases on October 11
Babylon Bee
Comments are closed.