Are your local vacation pics not generating enough hate online? Are you feeling stuck in a rut of angering only your neighbours and want to try getting yelled at by different cultures in exotic locales? If you have more money and time than you have shame, here are a few vacation spots for those looking for a new location to actively worsen.
Amsterdam
Known as the “Please-don’t-ask-me-where-the-weed-and-hookers-are-my-kids-are-right-here” capital of the world, Amsterdam is a must-visit if you love to watch people cringe the minute you get off the plane. With its bikeable streets, historical sites, and free lodging for anyone who gets arrested, Amsterdam is like Montreal except there is still stuff to ruin there. And before you ask, no! It’s totally not offensive to go to the Anne Frank Museum while baked! They expect you to do that!
Venice
Some will say you shouldn’t visit Venice because your mere presence is putting weight on the crumbling city and causing it to sink further into the sea. But they forget that if you didn’t go, you would just contribute to the destruction of this cornucopia of history the old-fashioned way: by staying at home and letting your carbon footprint go crazy. So go ahead and incentivize the biggest cruise ship on the seas to overflow that lagoon. Just remember to pop over to Pisa right after to take an obnoxious photo of yourself with the leaning tower, or you’ll regret it later.
Hawaii
Hawaii is a gorgeous locale featuring numerous picturesque locations with names you will definitely get wrong but no one will openly get mad – so it’s all good! The islands have lots of white sand beaches and coral reefs so there’s plenty for everyone to destroy! And if you really feel that the island vibes are your thing, maybe consider buying a vacation home there. It’s not like the locals can afford to buy houses there, so you might as well!
Kyoto
This historic Japanese city possibly has the most antiques and culturally significant buildings for you to deface per square mile than anywhere else on Earth! It’s also one of the few places where you can see wild geishas roaming free, so be sure to grab a photo with them before they can ask what you’re doing and you’re forced to acknowledge you didn’t learn a word of Japanese before coming over. Don’t worry if the police want to talk to you, because anime has taught us that you can easily win an enemy over if you beat them in a fight, and the cops have got to be bound by that rule.
Paris
The City of Lights is worth visiting alone just to put your cigarette out on a historic landmark. Some rumours persist that the residents are getting tired of sightseers like you holding up traffic with their self-led Emily in Paris tours. But they should’ve thought about that before they hosted the Olympics! This town is especially a must-see destination for French Canadians since Quebecois French is said to be like acid right in the ears of native-French speakers. So dust off your outdated French-to-English dictionary and pack your bag.
Jesus Christ is King
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