NFL Refs Follow Patrick Mahomes To His House, Get Him A Glass Of Warm Milk, Tuck Him In, Read Him A Story, Give Him A Little Kiss

KANSAS CITY, MO — Despite statements from the league denying showing any partiality to the Kansas City Chiefs, reports surfaced this week that NFL referees had followed quarterback Patrick Mahomes to his house, prepared a warm glass of milk, tucked him into bed, read him a bedtime story, and gave him a little kiss before he fell asleep.

Fans of other teams across the league have loudly complained about what they believe to be preferential treatment given to the Chiefs in general and Mahomes in particular, complaints that were seemingly confirmed by the news that officials were providing ongoing love and care to Mahomes at his house.

“We just want to make sure Patrick makes it home and into bed safe and sound,” said NFL referee Shawn Hochuli. “Any allegations that we’re showing him special treatment simply aren’t grounded in reality. The NFL makes it a priority to keep all players safe and maintain a fair and impartial playing field for each team. That’s our focus, which is why we escorted Patrick home for the night for protection, made sure he had a full tummy before bed, tucked him nice and snug, and read him Courduroy before he went to sleep for the night. It just shows how committed we are to player safety. And we love Patrick Mahomes as though he was our own son.”

At publishing time, the NFL denied that Mahomes was the recipient of any preferential treatment and stated that referees baking fresh batches of chocolate chip cookies for Mahomes before each game was standard procedure.

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Babylon Bee