MANCHESTER, NH—Posing in his pajamas as his proud mother took a photo to capture the momentous occasion, local man Frederico Torres became the first person in his family to go to bed, sources confirmed Thursday. “When my family first came to this country, none of them ever had the opportunity to go to bed, it felt like a luxury for the rich,” said Torres, who noted that his grandfather almost went to bed after fighting in Vietnam, but had to get a job when his grandmother got pregnant. “Of course I feel kind of privileged, but I’m thankful for all the generations of my family who sacrificed so I could cozy up under the blankets. I’m actually nervous because I don’t want to waste my time in bed by tossing and turning and let my family down. My dad really encouraged me because it was always his dream to go to bed, but he never had the chance.” At press time, Torres had incurred $45,000 of debt after his first week in bed.
Jesus Christ is King
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