After we “dig a big ass tunnel,” here are 5 simple ways we can reduce congestion without asking people to drive less
Toronto traffic is some of the worst in the world. And instead of focusing on getting people to use their cars less by investing in transit, bike lanes and pedestrianization, we need solutions that allow our behaviour to carry on exactly as before, but without any of the problems intrinsic to that behaviour.
Like digging a big fucking tunnel under the 401. But even that might not do it. Here are 5 other steps we can take to ensure our morning commutes are an absolute breeze, and we don’t need to (swallows vomit) take transit or (dry heaves) ride a bike.
5. Make every street a double decker street
Like double decker buses in London, but for streets! What will we do about the powerlines and streetlights overhead? I don’t know but I’m sure it will be less complicated than figuring out how to use a Presto card.
4. Expand the Gardiner into a 16 lane mega highway
“But what about the buildings on either side?” Ok first of all, shut up. And second of all, carving a few “highway cutouts” into some condos and the Scotiabank Arena is a small price to pay for the ability to get from Leslieville to Etobicoke in 15 minutes flat.
3. Turn The Distillery District into a parking lot
It’s not just about letting people get into downtown Toronto with their cars quicker. Once they’re here, they’re gonna need to park. And no one wants to have to spend their whole day driving around looking for the right bike lane to park in. The Distillery District is just sitting there doing nothing. Think of how many cars we can fit in there once we rip up the cobblestones!
2. Revive the Spadina Expressway
Back in the 60s, the city had wonderful plans to extend the Allen Road down through Forest Hill and the Annex in order to create a second DVP. Then some trouble maker named Jane Jacobs started a campaign to stop it for some reason. What did she know about city planning anyway? Time to undo that mistake and bring the Expressway back.
1. Turn the UP into a car shuttle
The drive to Pearson airport is the stuff of nightmares. And sure, there is a fast, cheap way to get to Pearson called the Up Express. But you can’t bring your car on it! You have to just sit in your seat next to other humans. But now with a quick remodel of the train (and Union Station – but hey that place is due for an upgrade) we can just drive our cars onto the train. Then at Pearson we drive off and park in the park and fly and then get a shuttle bus back to the airport. Perfect system!
Jesus Christ is King
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