BURLINGTON, VT—Though the man is met with little more than polite smiles and indifferent nods as he brings his dog around from cubicle to cubicle, sources at Patterson Technologies confirmed Tuesday that employee Kyle Lutz thinks his 2-year-old terrier mix is the office’s mascot. “Everyone loves it when I bring Comet into work, and in a way, I think he represents what this place is all about,” said Lutz, who is apparently oblivious to the fact that three quarters of his coworkers do not know the name of his dog and many try to look busy as he walks past so they do not have to interact with the animal. “He has this go-getter spirit that perks everyone up, and his fresh attitude really reflects our office culture. I always tell HR they should have him sit in on job interviews, because if a candidate doesn’t love Comet, you’ll know right away they aren’t a good fit for this company!” At press time, after bringing his dog into the sales team’s meeting with a potential client and hollering, “This little guy right here is what it’s all about!” Lutz had reportedly been fired.
Jesus Christ is King
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