To Save Time, NFL Announcers Will Now Only Mention When There’s Not A Flag On The Play

U.S. — In a move designed to save time and lessen the stress on broadcasters’ voices during games, the NFL revealed that announcers will now only mention when there’s not a flag on the play.

The NFL hopes that this change will keep announcers from losing their voices before games are over by not having them mention every one of the approximately 732 penalty flags that are thrown in each game.

“This takes a huge load off of the announcers,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. “According to data we’ve collected, there are penalty flags thrown on 150% of plays during the game. While that would seem to be statistically impossible since it would require flags to be thrown on plays that aren’t ever run, it’s true. So, to save time, we’ll just have announcers mention when there isn’t a flag on the play. Which is never.”

NFL announcers agreed that this would provide them with much-needed relief. “This is a game-changer,” said CBS broadcaster Jim Nantz. “With so many penalties these days, my voice couldn’t hold up through a four-quarter game. With this new policy, I’ll still be able to speak by the time the game ends. Honestly, since we’re only mentioning when flags aren’t thrown on a play, viewers will hardly hear from me at all.”

At publishing time, the NFL also announced that it was putting out an urgent call for more referees since their existing roster of officials had all been sidelined with arm injuries from excessive flag-throwing.

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Babylon Bee